I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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