i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
