Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
