Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
