He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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