dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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