I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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