goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
