Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
