He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
