I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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