If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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