cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
