So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
