I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
