i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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