I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
