maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
