we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
