Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
