I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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