Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize