That's intense
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
