She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We named our party play list daddy issues
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
