You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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