i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
