ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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