My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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