I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
