I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
