A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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