found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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