took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
