I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
