he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
