K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
