one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
