I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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