So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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