Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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