it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
