So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
