I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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