also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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