I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
