i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
