i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
