I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
