I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
