Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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