i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
