so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
