I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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