He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
