Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
