Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
