dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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