No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
