but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
