Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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