please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
