can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
