girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
